what is abuse and bullying.

This document has some words that are not suitable for younger audiances as they may be in some way: offensive, discriminative, unnapropriate etc...

information for this article found from: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/Forum/showthread.php?t=745

Contents:
Definitions

FAQ

Essential Links

Short cut to all relevant articles

Advice Phone Lines

Section 1:

Definitions.

Rape
The criminal act of forcing another person to submit to sexual intercourse. The term rape covers any situation where the victim is deemed legally incapable of consenting if she or he is known to be mentally incompetent, intoxicated, drugged, or below the age of consent at the time of the incident. It also covers forced sexual intercourse within a relationship or marriage.

It is worth noting here that legally you do not need to have any physical evident of resistance (scratches, bruises. etc). So if you decided on taking it to the authorities that would not be held against you, as no means no.

Sexual Abuse
Is the illegal activity of sexual acts towards a minor by a parent, guardian, relative, or acquaintance.

Sexual Harassment
The making of unwanted and offensive sexual advances, or of sexually offensive remarks or acts. Especially when the person is in a superior or supervisory position or when acquiescence to such behaviour is a condition of continued employment, promotion, or satisfactory evaluation.

Incest
Sexual relations between relatives who are forbidden by law to marry; for example, father and daughter or mother and son.

Bullying
A term used to describe a form of harassment by someone who is in some form more powerful, either physically or socially, than their victimised peer. The bullying is aggressive and negative, and which happens repeatedly and on purpose.

Bullying can be further split into two categories, direct bullying and indirect [or social aggression. Direct typically takes form in various ways i.e. Poking, Slapping, and Kicking. Indirect covers malicious gossiping, harassing your friends to not socialise with you and ridiculing dress style, religion and other social markers.

Online Stalking
When an individual attempts to gain the confidence of someone via chatrooms or email etc in order to harass or stalk them. They go out there way to gain information on you by trawling pages you visit to intimidate and flame you.

Cyber Bullying
Similar to online stalking, but is usually when the individuals met on mutual terms, school etc and then bullying takes form in virtual forms such as text messages, blogs, posts and defamatory websites.

FAQ.

Is bullying the same as abuse?

Abuse applies to harmful or improper treatment of something, and when used on this board applies to the body by another persons hand. Bullying therefore is a form of abuse and describes a form of harassment by someone who is in some form more powerful, either physically or socially, than their victimised peer.

So to remove all the fancy words... Yes it is the same thing.

How do I support a friend that has been abused?

Firstly and most importantly, every person is different. I think what you need to remember is that they are still your friend. On the most basic level you need to be there, listen to them, let them open up in their own time and don't force them to talk before they are ready.

Take time to read up, there are millions of websites that cover all aspects of abuse with basic information to personal accounts. This will allow you to get some perspective on the situation and also may answer some of your questions.

Finally remember that you need to be able to get support also, your friend is going through a very emotional time, and this will effect you. You need to be able to vent out what your feeling and take care of yourself as much as you take care of them.

I'm new, and too shy to start opening up. What can I do?

There is no time limit of opening up! Take your time and have a look around the board. There is loads of information open to you without having to ask (if you scroll down you find plenty of links to great articles).

Maybe poke your nose into the Coffee Shop which is a totally none triggering environment where people can chat about day to day issues and generally have fun. Come in say hello and become acquainted with the regular faces

I personally think we have the most friendly members of ryl on this board, and I am sure you could drop them a PM if your still feeling nervous. We are all happy to help out a newbie.

Just take your time. We don't bite!

Was I raped?

Rape is sexual intercourse that you did NOT consent to. To consent you have to clearly be saying yes, willingly participating and at no point feeling "forced" into sex. If you are drunk/drugged (by choice or not) and unable to clearly state your consent this can also be seen as rape. Please remember at all times and with anyone be it stranger, partner or acquaintance No Means No.
Is it still serious if it's done by children?

Age is utterly irrelevant when it comes to abuse. Children (under 16's) can be seen as more vicious in terms of bullying and when it comes to physical strength a child attacking another child can cause as much damage as an adult attacking another.

Regardless of the age of the abuser the emotional effect is the same and therefore you deserve as much support as anyone else.

Does it cause other illnesses/conditions?

Yes it can. Common conditions related to abuse are Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and flashbacks.

All of which are not to be ignored and need to be treated along side your recovery after abuse as they will all be very interlinked.

Bullying:

America:
National Teen Emergency Hotline: 1-800-448-3000

Canada:
Kid's Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868

UK:
Childline: 0800 1111
Anti Bullying Campaign Counselling and Advice: 020 7378 1446

Australia:
Crisis Line for Information/Counselling: 1.800.622.112

Abuse:

America:
RAINN - The Rape Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673
Rape Hotline - Tel: 1-800-656-HOPE
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
National Sexual Violence Resource Center (877) 739-3895

Canada:
RAINN - The Rape Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

UK:
Rape and Abuse Line 080 8000 0123
NSPCC: 0808 800 5000
Careline [London]: 0181 514 1177
Reporting Elder Abuse: 0181 679 7074

Australia:
Statewide Sexual Assault Helpline 1800 010 120

Northern Ireland:
Women's Aid Federation 24 hour, domestic violence: 028 90 331818 NEXUS Institute (counsels adults, survivors of sexual abuse): 028 90 326803
MRSA, Male Rape Support Assocation: 07932898274 or 07903976560
Victim Support: 8780870
AMEN (confidential advice line for victims of domestic abuse): 046 23718
Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Helpline: 1 800 77 88 88

have any of these forms of bullying happened to you? how did they make you feel? what did you do about it?